10/21/08

(copied from deleted blog)

This afternoon is Barbara Jone's memorial service. It still hasn't sunk in that she's gone. I couldn't even imagine not having my mom by my side during this time in my life.I've begun telling a few close friends that Scott and I are expecting again. I'm amused by the responses I've gotten. Some people are compltely excited and happy for us, and then I have other friends that are quite reserved with the news. I guess its to be expected, but I'd be lying if I tried to shine it over and say that it didn't bother me, because, yeah, it does hit a nerve. Oh well, life goes on right?I took chicken out to defrost for dinner...I wonder what I'll make?

10/20/08

(copied from deleted blog)

Today was another uneventful day at work. I really hate being bored...but it pays the bills, so I'll mind my manners. I'm hoping things pick up again soon!When I got home Irelyn and Scott were napping. I always get warm fuzzies when I walk in and they're all comfy and sleeping together. I'm always amused that they pretty much lay the same way. Instead of starting dinner right away I crawled in bed and laid own with them for awhile. I love moments like these where it feels as though the world stops and I'm able to fully embrace and enjoy moments like these.Irelyn is in her high chair eating dinner....and doing her best to crank her head in just the right way to get a view of the tv! I wonder who's child she is?? Because yeah...I never was into tv like she is! The Disney show that was on just ended and now she is throwing a fit. Oh goodness, this child has a temper on her!I need to work on my Halloween costume tonight...and I just don't know if I'm going to have enough time! Grrargh!

10/19/08

(copied from deleted post)

Two posts in one day...I doubt this will be the norm in these parts.So, the idea of having a lil one on the way is settling in. More than anything I'm pleasantly surprised!! I wanted another wee one and ideally I wanted Irelyn and the future lil bugger to be 2-3 years apart, but never did I think I would become pregnant so quickly! With Irelyn it took over a year of trying before it happened.Last Wednesday I went to the 99 cent store with Granny and randomly thought I'd pick up a test. For some reason I just knew I was pregnant, intuitively I knew my body was changing and something big was going on. That evening Irelyn and I went to the mall with Auntie Carla and Auntie Schanelle and had a good time. I got home and decided to take the test. At first glance it didn't look positive. I flushed the toilet, and bam...there was a faint line! I was like whoa...So, me, being the nerd that I am ran straight to my laptop and started googling pregnancy tests. With Irelyn, I never took a home pregnancy test (just had my like ER adventure with the sprained ankles). I was in a world all of my own...its funny how logically we try to think ourselves into (or out of) certain situations. I knew how my body felt...I knew I was...and yet, I was completely speechlessly shocked at the same time. I was like a kid at Christmas, giddy, yet shocked, like, are these toys really all for me!?I told Scott about the line, and showed him. The big guy couldn't wipe the grin off his face! He was soo cute.So...big Internet world...there you have it. I have a lil bugger growing inside of me! I have my first doctors visit this week. Tentatively I think I'm due around June 14th.

10/19/08 Pt 1

(copied from deleted blog)

I created this blog years ago, and yet I've never once posted one single entry. Not sure why, it just hasn't happened. I had this lofty idea of starting a blog about secrets, and pieces of me and a bunch of other soul searching mumbo jumbo. I had just graduated college and I was in that "place", you know, that "place." I thought this would be the place to write about "that place" and yet it never happened.
Here I am years later, and I'm no longer the person I was. I'm fresh, new and improved! (typed with confidence!) I'm a married late twentysomething, mother to a beautiful and inquisitive 14 month old and the hubby and I just found out we have another on the way!
Life is full of joyful surprises and I feel as if I blink, I just may miss something. I'm in a new stage of my life and once again I'm determined to find my way. Now its time to use this space.
I plan on using this space to write about my daily adventures. There won't be any abstract philosophical wanderings or political diatribes. In here I'll be me, the ironic control freak who haphazardly leads a cluttered life! I'll be the newish mommy full of questions, and full of joy. I'll be the woman who procrastinates at work, the girl who looks at the world and asks "what if?" with a smile on her face.
I'll be the person I'm not afraid of being, the goofy girl complete with an opinion on everything and heart too big for any snazzy adjective to do it justice. And so dear readers...if there are any readers, I hope you enjoy my meanderings!

10/1/06

Halloween was fantastic! Work was kinda blah...I'm used to them doing something big, but now that half of the office leaves early every Friday we couldn't do a big potluck lunch like we used to. They attempted a brunch potluck and it kinda went over okay. I always love seeing what people come to work as and this year was no exception! One of the dudes dressed up like the guy from Reno 911, the one with the short shorts and mustache! Hilarious! Last night Carla, Schanelle and I went to Disneyland for corndogs and people watching. I didn't stay too long...was feeling pretty nauseas and was super tired, but it was nice to get out for a lil while!

Its the most wonderful time of the year!!

If you've been my friend for any real length of time, then you'll know that Christmas just isn't my holiday. Maybe I had one too many tarnished Christmas' or maybe too many psycho Christians have put a damper on the day. I'm not sure what it is, but before Scott I could really care less about the holiday. All of that has changed now. Last year I got the best news of my life on Christmas day. Finding out Irelyn was on her way restored my the magic and wonder of the season for me.

This is Irelyn's first Christmas/Yule. Now I know she's not gonna know whats going on, but I do know she's gonna appreciate all the sparkly lights!!! For the last two weeks I've been thinking about getting a tree and making shopping plans. This morning after our Sunday breakfast date (Its a Scott/Wiski thing) we went to Micheals and the Dollar Tree. Instead of putting Irelyn in her stroller or keeping her in the carseat I decided to put her in the baby carrier and walk around Micheals like that. Oh, and I'm proud to report that Irelyn picked out the garland for the tree! My brother told me that there is nothing like seeing the world through your child's eyes. Call me a wuss, but there were a couple times when my eyes leaked a lil. I'm just soo damn giddy, I swear!

So Scott and I bought a tree and picked up a few random items. We came home cleaned up and then decorated! I can't believe it...but our cozy lil apartment is ready and everything just looks so darn cute! We even have a fireplace (nevermind the fact that to turn it "on" all you do is flip a switch..."

Its very important to me to raise Irelyn with an awareness what the holiday season really means. Its not all about Santa and shopping and I'll do my best to rear her in a manner where she respects the season and appreciates all of life's many blessings. I'll admit there was even a time when I contemplated not perpetuating the Santa myth....that was years ago. I remember telling my mom and grandma this and they looked at me like I should've been imprisoned or something. I'm older and a tad bit wiser now...and I've thought about it a lot. I've come to the conclusion that I want Irelyn to appreciate the meaning behind all the holidays and at the same time I want her to be mesmerized by the magic. There is nothing like being a child...nothing at all.

So..as I sit here and ramble I can't help but smile to myself. My house is clean (well for the most part), my holiday decorations are up, my baby LOVES the sparkly lights and the whole place just feels happy.

Being a Mommy

Tomorrow Irelyn will be three months old. I remember three months ago exactly what I was doing; I had to go to night court in Newport to pay an overdue seatbelt ticket and then Scott and I went to dinner at Johnny Reb’s (they have the world’s best onion rings and mac n’ cheese). We stopped at Shauna’s on the way home (so she could rub my preggers belly one more time). I was so excited I could hardly sleep that night. I wasn’t nervous, and in fact I was pretty calm about being induced the next morning. More than anything I was eager to get the show on the road and have my baby already!

Here I am three months later and a lot has happened. I’ve change, I knew I would, I just didn’t know how profound the motherhood experience would be. In the words of my friend Jen I’ve fully crossed over to the other side…and seriously, do ya’ll know how beautiful it is on the other side? The grass may not be any greener, but it sure does look greener…or maybe I just notice and appreciate the world I live in a whole lot more.

I love being a mommy…I love Irelyn’s lil baby smiles (side note, just as I typed that I heard her fussing in the pack n play, and I went and checked on her and bam, she gives me one of those HUGE gummy smiles!) I love the coy lil look she gets on her face after she has a big poo and the way lately she’s been trying to get a giggle out. I love seeing Scott’s face light up when he tells me she pulls his beard in the shower. I love knowing that sometimes all she needs is mommy and the tears will cease. I love it all, even the nights when she wakes me up…because nothing will ever compare to the feeling you get inside when a child holds on to you, it’s a feeling I can’t even put into words. (and if you know me, you know that I pride myself on being a words person!)

I went to the hospital today for my pre opp appt (I’m getting my gallbladder removed next week) and as I pushed Irelyn’s stroller up to the entrance I jabbered along (cuz that’s what I do…) and I started telling Irelyn about her time at the hospital, and it was then that it hit me. Sure, during the experience I knew that my daughter was in the NICU, how could I not? I mean I was discharged without my daughter, I pumped my boobies every 2-3 hours (to ensure I didn’t lose my supply and to provide my baby with the best nutrition possible) and visited the hospital 4-5 times a day. I went into autopilot, that’s what I do, that’s how I cope. As I mindlessly chattered on about mommy having to be in the hospital the reality of the experience hit me, and it hit me hard. My daughter spent the first 10 days of her life in the neonatal intensive care unit. Hell, even the name of the place gives me goosebumps. Words can’t do justice to how grateful I am to have a healthy and happy daughter.

Earlier this evening Scott gave her a bath and as I put her diaper on and gave her a baby massage I counted the rolls in her chubby lil thighs and I thought to myself, I’m thankful mommy has good milk…I’m grateful you’re a healthy lil sprite….I’m so thrilled to be your mama.

Tomorrow Scott and I embark on our first overnight adventure with Irelyn. We’re driving up to Santa Maria to visit family. Scott is super excited to introduce his daughter to his family and I get happy seeing him so giddy. I packed Irelyn’s bag earlier this evening and I made sure to put in one of her “I love Daddy” onesies. The smile he gets on his face when she wears one is priceless.

So far motherhood is better than I ever could’ve imagined. I have an opinion on just about everything in the world…but there are only two things I’m absolutely certain about. I married a man who completes me in every way imaginable and secondly, I was destined to be Irelyn’s mommy.