Its the most wonderful time of the year!!

If you've been my friend for any real length of time, then you'll know that Christmas just isn't my holiday. Maybe I had one too many tarnished Christmas' or maybe too many psycho Christians have put a damper on the day. I'm not sure what it is, but before Scott I could really care less about the holiday. All of that has changed now. Last year I got the best news of my life on Christmas day. Finding out Irelyn was on her way restored my the magic and wonder of the season for me.

This is Irelyn's first Christmas/Yule. Now I know she's not gonna know whats going on, but I do know she's gonna appreciate all the sparkly lights!!! For the last two weeks I've been thinking about getting a tree and making shopping plans. This morning after our Sunday breakfast date (Its a Scott/Wiski thing) we went to Micheals and the Dollar Tree. Instead of putting Irelyn in her stroller or keeping her in the carseat I decided to put her in the baby carrier and walk around Micheals like that. Oh, and I'm proud to report that Irelyn picked out the garland for the tree! My brother told me that there is nothing like seeing the world through your child's eyes. Call me a wuss, but there were a couple times when my eyes leaked a lil. I'm just soo damn giddy, I swear!

So Scott and I bought a tree and picked up a few random items. We came home cleaned up and then decorated! I can't believe it...but our cozy lil apartment is ready and everything just looks so darn cute! We even have a fireplace (nevermind the fact that to turn it "on" all you do is flip a switch..."

Its very important to me to raise Irelyn with an awareness what the holiday season really means. Its not all about Santa and shopping and I'll do my best to rear her in a manner where she respects the season and appreciates all of life's many blessings. I'll admit there was even a time when I contemplated not perpetuating the Santa myth....that was years ago. I remember telling my mom and grandma this and they looked at me like I should've been imprisoned or something. I'm older and a tad bit wiser now...and I've thought about it a lot. I've come to the conclusion that I want Irelyn to appreciate the meaning behind all the holidays and at the same time I want her to be mesmerized by the magic. There is nothing like being a child...nothing at all.

So..as I sit here and ramble I can't help but smile to myself. My house is clean (well for the most part), my holiday decorations are up, my baby LOVES the sparkly lights and the whole place just feels happy.

Being a Mommy

Tomorrow Irelyn will be three months old. I remember three months ago exactly what I was doing; I had to go to night court in Newport to pay an overdue seatbelt ticket and then Scott and I went to dinner at Johnny Reb’s (they have the world’s best onion rings and mac n’ cheese). We stopped at Shauna’s on the way home (so she could rub my preggers belly one more time). I was so excited I could hardly sleep that night. I wasn’t nervous, and in fact I was pretty calm about being induced the next morning. More than anything I was eager to get the show on the road and have my baby already!

Here I am three months later and a lot has happened. I’ve change, I knew I would, I just didn’t know how profound the motherhood experience would be. In the words of my friend Jen I’ve fully crossed over to the other side…and seriously, do ya’ll know how beautiful it is on the other side? The grass may not be any greener, but it sure does look greener…or maybe I just notice and appreciate the world I live in a whole lot more.

I love being a mommy…I love Irelyn’s lil baby smiles (side note, just as I typed that I heard her fussing in the pack n play, and I went and checked on her and bam, she gives me one of those HUGE gummy smiles!) I love the coy lil look she gets on her face after she has a big poo and the way lately she’s been trying to get a giggle out. I love seeing Scott’s face light up when he tells me she pulls his beard in the shower. I love knowing that sometimes all she needs is mommy and the tears will cease. I love it all, even the nights when she wakes me up…because nothing will ever compare to the feeling you get inside when a child holds on to you, it’s a feeling I can’t even put into words. (and if you know me, you know that I pride myself on being a words person!)

I went to the hospital today for my pre opp appt (I’m getting my gallbladder removed next week) and as I pushed Irelyn’s stroller up to the entrance I jabbered along (cuz that’s what I do…) and I started telling Irelyn about her time at the hospital, and it was then that it hit me. Sure, during the experience I knew that my daughter was in the NICU, how could I not? I mean I was discharged without my daughter, I pumped my boobies every 2-3 hours (to ensure I didn’t lose my supply and to provide my baby with the best nutrition possible) and visited the hospital 4-5 times a day. I went into autopilot, that’s what I do, that’s how I cope. As I mindlessly chattered on about mommy having to be in the hospital the reality of the experience hit me, and it hit me hard. My daughter spent the first 10 days of her life in the neonatal intensive care unit. Hell, even the name of the place gives me goosebumps. Words can’t do justice to how grateful I am to have a healthy and happy daughter.

Earlier this evening Scott gave her a bath and as I put her diaper on and gave her a baby massage I counted the rolls in her chubby lil thighs and I thought to myself, I’m thankful mommy has good milk…I’m grateful you’re a healthy lil sprite….I’m so thrilled to be your mama.

Tomorrow Scott and I embark on our first overnight adventure with Irelyn. We’re driving up to Santa Maria to visit family. Scott is super excited to introduce his daughter to his family and I get happy seeing him so giddy. I packed Irelyn’s bag earlier this evening and I made sure to put in one of her “I love Daddy” onesies. The smile he gets on his face when she wears one is priceless.

So far motherhood is better than I ever could’ve imagined. I have an opinion on just about everything in the world…but there are only two things I’m absolutely certain about. I married a man who completes me in every way imaginable and secondly, I was destined to be Irelyn’s mommy.