Being a Mommy

Tomorrow Irelyn will be three months old. I remember three months ago exactly what I was doing; I had to go to night court in Newport to pay an overdue seatbelt ticket and then Scott and I went to dinner at Johnny Reb’s (they have the world’s best onion rings and mac n’ cheese). We stopped at Shauna’s on the way home (so she could rub my preggers belly one more time). I was so excited I could hardly sleep that night. I wasn’t nervous, and in fact I was pretty calm about being induced the next morning. More than anything I was eager to get the show on the road and have my baby already!

Here I am three months later and a lot has happened. I’ve change, I knew I would, I just didn’t know how profound the motherhood experience would be. In the words of my friend Jen I’ve fully crossed over to the other side…and seriously, do ya’ll know how beautiful it is on the other side? The grass may not be any greener, but it sure does look greener…or maybe I just notice and appreciate the world I live in a whole lot more.

I love being a mommy…I love Irelyn’s lil baby smiles (side note, just as I typed that I heard her fussing in the pack n play, and I went and checked on her and bam, she gives me one of those HUGE gummy smiles!) I love the coy lil look she gets on her face after she has a big poo and the way lately she’s been trying to get a giggle out. I love seeing Scott’s face light up when he tells me she pulls his beard in the shower. I love knowing that sometimes all she needs is mommy and the tears will cease. I love it all, even the nights when she wakes me up…because nothing will ever compare to the feeling you get inside when a child holds on to you, it’s a feeling I can’t even put into words. (and if you know me, you know that I pride myself on being a words person!)

I went to the hospital today for my pre opp appt (I’m getting my gallbladder removed next week) and as I pushed Irelyn’s stroller up to the entrance I jabbered along (cuz that’s what I do…) and I started telling Irelyn about her time at the hospital, and it was then that it hit me. Sure, during the experience I knew that my daughter was in the NICU, how could I not? I mean I was discharged without my daughter, I pumped my boobies every 2-3 hours (to ensure I didn’t lose my supply and to provide my baby with the best nutrition possible) and visited the hospital 4-5 times a day. I went into autopilot, that’s what I do, that’s how I cope. As I mindlessly chattered on about mommy having to be in the hospital the reality of the experience hit me, and it hit me hard. My daughter spent the first 10 days of her life in the neonatal intensive care unit. Hell, even the name of the place gives me goosebumps. Words can’t do justice to how grateful I am to have a healthy and happy daughter.

Earlier this evening Scott gave her a bath and as I put her diaper on and gave her a baby massage I counted the rolls in her chubby lil thighs and I thought to myself, I’m thankful mommy has good milk…I’m grateful you’re a healthy lil sprite….I’m so thrilled to be your mama.

Tomorrow Scott and I embark on our first overnight adventure with Irelyn. We’re driving up to Santa Maria to visit family. Scott is super excited to introduce his daughter to his family and I get happy seeing him so giddy. I packed Irelyn’s bag earlier this evening and I made sure to put in one of her “I love Daddy” onesies. The smile he gets on his face when she wears one is priceless.

So far motherhood is better than I ever could’ve imagined. I have an opinion on just about everything in the world…but there are only two things I’m absolutely certain about. I married a man who completes me in every way imaginable and secondly, I was destined to be Irelyn’s mommy.