1 Month In

Today is my one month anniversary with Weight Watchers. On one hand I'm surprised that I've stuck with it, but on the other hand I'm not surprised in the least. I've hit my rock bottom and I never EVER want to see the scale go up. I've been at my highest and the only place to go is down.

So anyways...I've had a good week. As usual my biggest obstacle was myself. See, we have a scale in the bathroom and every day I've weigh myself. Sometimes I weigh myself as much as four times in a day! Really, what does this accomplish? Nothing. I know its natural for a person's weight to fluctuate a few pounds, but knowing this doesn't stop the negative thoughts of self doubt from creeping in and wrecking havoc. After seeing the scale at a complete stand still and then began to trend upwards I finally realized that I desperately need to STOP stepping on that damn scale! 

I'm a product of my generation and whether I own up to it or not, I want (and would love) immediate results. Rationally I know the fat isn't going to melt away magically....but, the easiest measurable way to “success” is by seeing the decreasing numbers on the scale, right?? I crunch numbers daily at work. I analyze trends in values and can quickly break down number fluctuations into some sort of usable statistical data. I want to be able to do the same thing with my weight loss....and I can't. Sure, I get the concept of “a calorie in, a calorie out”. I know how weight loss happens, but sheesh I would love for everything to be easy and completely exact! 

As I laid in bed last night I thought about Sunday's weigh in and I began stressing about it. I asked myself the simple question, “Is there anything I could've done better this week?” And other than a few slight things, I can honestly say no. I've had a damn good week! So what if the scale wasn't showing me what I wanted, I still had plenty of stuff to be proud of and instead of counting sheep, I laid in bed and counted off my successes for the week. I endured an unexpected lunch out with an underwriter at a restaurant that lacked available nutritional information. I attended my daughter's nursery school dinner and auction and bypassed the bread, limited the pasta and stole my husband's last piece of broccoli! I went out with friends last night and rather than drink myself into oblivion, I budgeted myself two drinks, paced myself and genuinely enjoyed my friends. At the end of my one sided self conversation, my mood improved and I felt much better. As I drifted to sleep I realized there is more to this battle then just the scale.

Staying out late and dealing with the time change was difficult this morning. After only about 4 hours of sleep it was trying to get up and out of bed to make it to my weekly 8am meeting. I looked like crap with my frizzy hair and messy day old make up. I washed my face, hid my hair in a bun and walked out the door in my pajamas (thank you yoga pants and an old t-shirt). It would've been so easy to bypass the meeting and cuddle on the couch with my girls watching cartoons. But I didn't...I got myself to the meeting, I weighed in (and was down 1.2 pounds!!) and stayed for the meeting.

Blogging about all of this is weird. On one hand its incredibly therapeutic, on the other hand there is so much I want to say and get out. How much sharing is too much? How much more scattered can all these thoughts be? All I know is that I feel like I'm finally looking at the world differently....its strange...its exciting....and its kinda scary all at the same time.