Big Updates!

First and foremost...I'm pregnant! Secondly...its another girl! Scott and I couldn't be more excited! Throughout the pregnancy Irelyn has said over and over that its a girl and that she's going to have a shister. Not that the kidlet gets the difference between boys and girls or any of that, but then again, maybe she gets more than we give lil kids credit for.

I'm hopeful and optimistic that I'll be blogging more again. Scott, my mom, Schanelle, and Angie all chipped in and got me a netbook for Yule! I love it!

This is pretty much a short update. I have Christmas wrapping and a bunch of other lil things to take care of before tomorrow.

Stay tuned!

Morning Intruder

This morning Irelyn hijacked my shower. I was in the shower and she kept walking into the bathroom (she opens doors now). She slid the shower door open and was half naked, I was like, “Irelyn!” Then she closed the shower door. I thought she went away…oh no, a minute or two later she reopened it standing there completely naked. She took off her footy pajamas and decided that she was getting in too! At least she’s clean…right? It was totally cute though, she used my poof and thought she was such a big girl :)

The Long Way Around

I'm feeling as though I've come full circle...in a roundabout swirly pattern wave of sorts, I've finally made my way around the bend. My feet are planted firmly in the ground and my toes are covered in cool grainy Earth. I'm a child once again, reborn in determination and once again I'm looking at the world through eyes of optimism and opportunity.

Hope

They said it couldn't be done...and yet, it was. Barack Obama was sworn in as the nations 44th President today. It was a moment I honestly never thought would happen.....and yet it did. For the first time in a long time...I was proud to be an American today, and before you dear reader take that statement out of context and decry that I'm unAmerican, know this, that is simply far FAR from the truth.

Obama is an enigma...he's not a messiah as some have criticized, but there is something unique about him, and moreover he gets the message! Now, I'm not going to claim I have all the answers, but I would like to puff my chest out for a second and have a machimismo moment. I know my lowly bachelors degree isn't all that in the grand scheme of things...but I did study government, I'd like to think I get the subject at times...and with Obama I honestly think he took the sum of our best parts, put them in a message that was delightfully thorough and simplistic in nature, combined it with proven community organization and bam, not only did we get a candidate who got it right...but we got a campaign that was a machine, a campaign that was able to bulldoze over the right wing evangelical conservative branch of the GOP that has been driving that tank for awhile, and for that reason (and so many more) I'm proud today.

I stayed home this morning and watched the Inauguration. The intensity of the moment was paramount. His message wasn't all bells and whistles. Listen to the substance people...get off your asses, stop pointing fingers and get involved. Personal responsibility will not be overshadowed by senses of entitlement or handouts. Cultural elitism will hopefully take a backseat in this administration. We are all Americans, we all deserve respect and dignity.

I'm babbling...I know. Its the end of a long day, I have a lot on my mind...but I felt it was important to somehow get my ideas down....

As I watched Obama's speech today...I held my daughter. She clapped with delight when the crowd cheered and got excited with the musical piece was performed. I thought about her future and the legacy I will leave for her....I thought about today and what it means, and the word of the day really is hope.

Night ya'll!

Breaking Point

There’s something to be said about tears. I don’t know anybody who actually enjoys crying, but strangely somehow there is a sense of relief once those tears are shed.

I’m lost.

There are so many wonderful parts of my life that are totally in sync, that work like a well oiled machine. I have much to be grateful for…and much celebrate, but somehow, somehow something is missing. For the longest time now I haven’t been able to put a finger on it. I continually stick my finger out and I haven’t been able to feel which way the wind is blowing.

I’m a girl that lives in the moment, who sometimes lives in the moment just around the bend, I’m always thinking, what’s coming up next? Part of me wonders if that fight or flight mentality has roots in my youth, or if its just part of my inherent nature. Whatever the cause, I’m used to skipping ahead and conquering the next target.

For the last couple of years I’ve been derailed, and its not as though its been a bad thing. For the first time in forever, I’ve actually been able to relax and enjoy the now. There’s a sense of steadiness in my life I’ve never had…I’ve been in a comfortable place for so long, its odd to think about being somewhere else…

And yet…I sit at work and my being yearns for soemthing more, something meaningful. I know I’m bright, I’ve never doubted my intelligence, and yet, here I sit at work everyday with countless hours of nothing to do. I kidd you not I have that much free time…Sometimes I indulge daydreams of granduer, sometimes I mindlessly wander from website to website and other times I fall into that poor place of self-pity and depression. I know I’m better then this, smarter than this. I know I have gifts to give the world. Its as if I’m imprisoned myself for the safety of a paycheck. And…that’s not a bad thing…not a bag thing at all, but I’ve come to the place where I’ve had enough. I just can’t take it any longer.

I think ahead to the next 5 years of my life and I think, is this it? Is this what I have to look forward too? And asking and answering that question is the most telling of all. Sitting at this same desk, doing the same thing will literally turn me into a person I wouldn’t like…a person I never in a million years imagined being. Insurance isn’t bad, this company isn’t awful, but my dreams, my dreams deserve a fair shot.

Sunday Night Musings

Today Scott and I took Irelyn to Disneyland. The park was SUPER busy!! We spent most of our time there at Toon Town. Irelyn took pictures with Minnie, Goofy and Mickey. All in all she seemed kinda scared of the characters at times. With Mickey she hit him and pulled at his ears! Then, as we were walking away from him she blew him kisses! Thats my kid for you!!

Around Thanksgiving Scott bought a turkey breast and we've had it in our freezer. I cooked it today (lemon pepper style) and it turned out pretty good. Schanelle and Carla came over and we broke bread! Irelyn spent the evening showing off for her aunties. Besides constantly dancing her new thing is somersaults. She can't do them completely on her own yet, but she delights in doing one and then clapping and saying "yay!" when she's done. Too cute!!

I've had the last four days off...and I'm not all too jazzed about going back to work tomorrow. I've really enjoyed my time off. My lil girl is changing every day and I feel as though I had the last couple of days to catch up and get to know who she is now at 16 months. I'm sure we're both going to be in somewhat of a funk tomorrow...

I Feel Good

For a long time now I've had a lot on my mind. I've done some navel gazing and its time to make some positive changes in my life. Its not that my life is horrible or bad, or anything like that, but there is always room for improvement. My goals for 2009 follow this simple theme; I want to take more pride in my home and in myself!

I'm going to cook more and actually committ to meal planning. Today Scott and I discussed our menu for the week and then we made a grocery list and stuck to it.

I'm going to keep my house neater and plan on doing my best to tackle big projects and lil projects alike.

I'm finally going to stop talking about decorating my home, and actually get to it! Scott and I aren't going to be moving for awhile...and we can make small changes in our home that will not only look pretty, but will be more comfortable and functional.

I can't lose weight overnight, and thats not my goal. I want to make life changes that stick...change that promote and encourage healthiness and happiness!!

So those are my plans in a nutshell....periodically I may post update as to how I'm doing with everything!

Time Off of Work

I've been off for the last couple of days for New Years. Its been really good to just sit at home and be with my family. As a working mom, I don't get too much relaxful time at home, its as if I always have stuff to do. The last three days I've been able to just sit and enjoy Irelyn...watch her play, teach her new things and generally just enjoy my time with her. She's such a bright lil girl, she's fascinating to watch. Its amazing how every day she becomes more and more her own lil person.

Scott has taught her where her nose, ears, tongue, teeth and eyes are. If you ask her where one of those body parts is, she'll quickly point to it! I'm like, wow! She's also walking everywhere and really loves to be the lil adventurer. Earlier today we went to a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese and she had a ball just walking around everywhere, waving her hands in the air and loudly saying, "Hi!" to everybody she encountered. I was able to get some of her hair up in a pony tail and she just looked so cute. I'll need to add some pictures later.

I love my couch (I'm currently vegging on it right now), I dig how homey and comfy my home is, I love the time I've had to spend with Scott and Irelyn the last couple of days and I'm totally looking forward to our trip to Disneyland tomorrow!