Tomorrow is my second weigh in at Weight Watchers. Not quite sure how I'm feeling. On one hand I'm nervous (I had a really good first week loss and I know it is very unlikely I will lose that much this time around) and on the other hand I'm actually looking forward to it. In the past when I've tried to lose weight I've been fickle. Most “diets” lose their glimmer after a week or two...I will do really well and then casually start to slide. I tell myself that its okay, that I've had a bad day...that I'll have a fatty double double, fries and large Dr. Pepper because I deserve it. I've slowly begun to realize that I deserve much more than a temporary meal can provide me.
The all powerful “they” tell me that the first step in recovery is admitting you have a problem. Drug addicts and alcoholics can hide their addictions (at least for awhile), but a food addict doesn't have that luxury. People see me and whether intentional or not, judgments are immediately made. Sometimes I can literally see their mind at work and I wonder. Do they think I'm lazy? A slobby sloth without any pride? A woman who simply doesn't care?
The truth isn't any of those things...I don't think I'm lazy, I take pride in my appearance and I honestly care. When you weigh as much as I do the sheer volume of weight I need to lose is so completely overwhelming...how do you wrap your head around the number? Currently I'm hovering just above 400 pounds, to have a BMI within normal range a woman of my height shouldn't weigh no more than 168 pounds. I've done the math over and over again...by those who adhere to BMI I have 237 pounds to lose. There are so many reasons why I haven't genuinely tried to lose weight, but the biggest reason is I have NO clue how to lose that much weight. It seems damn near impossible...and when things feel impossible people don't try.
So, rather than think about losing 200 pounds, 100 pounds or even 50 pounds I've made the commitment to take each day as it is, to really try to learn balance and to make a commitment to myself. The pounds weren't added overnight and they're not going to be lost overnight.
So...tomorrow...weigh in #2...wish me luck!
5 comments:
So how did the weight in go???
How was it? Is there anything I can do to support you?
SO proud of you for doing this! I like their program, but I can't seem to stick with the point counting. Though I did lose 30lbs with them after college. Then gained it back and lost it again. A constant yo-yo. Trying something new this time around. I look forward to reading about your journey. And just so you know, you are beautiful to me no matter how you look! :) xoxo
Thank you for the comments!
Deborah - You are lovely :)
Isadora - I was down another 6.6 pounds!!
Cat - Check in on me every now and again...send me some encouragement, remind me how strong I really am.
You got it!
Hey fancy joining me for a full moon walk on the pier?
I'll be walking down the pier about 7pm? No stress if you can't make it.
Post a Comment