Being Fat and Pregnant

Unlike most women I know, I've been blessed with a larger than normal dose of high self esteem. I'm not conceited or anything, I just don't think I'm special for any other reason. I'm just an average girl like everybody else. Now the truth of the matter is that I'm not like everybody else. In the medical world I'm medically obese. In layman's terms I'm just simply fat. And maybe I'm delusional, but on most days this simple fact doesn't bother me. It is what it is…and being fat doesn't make me any less of a person. My self worth isn't dependent on how many pounds I read on the scale. I don't get any special award I can hang on my wall for being smaller, and even if I did, I don't think it would really matter.

I've been big for as long as I can remember, and growing up I remember being teased. And I did what I did best, I plugged along and didn't let it get to me and I coped. I had friends like everybody else, was involved in school and was for the most part a normal person. And along the way maybe I fooled myself into believing that I wasn't different from everybody else…and maybe, maybe I'm not all that different.

And now I'm pregnant…and I'm still fat. Over the last 8 months I've realized that being both pregnant and fat is a trippy thing. In the beginning some people acted like I committed a cardinal sin, that it was inhuman and wrong to get pregnant at my size. I told a few people that Scott and I were expecting and they looked at me in shock, as if they were flabbergasted that I would do such a thing, or better yet surprised that we even had the right equipment to produce a baby. I also had people who automatically assumed I was a high risk pregnancy and told me at length in detail how overweight women have a greater miscarriage rate (cuz, that's the appropriate and right thing to tell a paranoid pregnant woman of any size). A few of these people went on and on about how I needed to prepare for bed rest, gestational diabetes and an automatic c-section. The truth is that yes, there are some complications for some pregnant overweight women…and there are also plenty of plus size mommies-to-be that have regular pregnancies and deliver normal healthy babies every damn day.

I entered my pregnancy with the same frame of mind I approach everything with…confront the situation head on, do your research, pay attention to detail and move the fuck along, and so far…so good!

Prior to getting pregnant I had moderately high blood pressure (about 135/80) and my doctor choose to put me on a low dosage of medication. I've been tested for just about everything possible, and the resounding verdict from my doctor is that I'm as healthy as a horse, literally. I'm not naïve in thinking the remaining two months will be filled with sunshine and roses…but I'm optimistic and educated enough to not stress myself out and to let nature take her course.
Every pregnancy magazine features the perfect woman in their layouts. She'll have creamy perfect skin, no blemishes or redness and her belly bump will be perfectly round, perky and beautiful. And then there is me, I have a slightly off centered belly with a small dent in the middle that hasn't completely rounded out…and there is some wiggle at the bottom. To be blunt…it's quite amusing to watch me walk naked…the top part stays still like hard jello and the bottom…the bottom looks like melting jello that jiggles to and fro. I don't share these things to make people giggle (but feel free to)…I share because I think there is truly value in not shying away from the truth.

I don't live my life with my head in the clouds though either…Two things absolutely drive me crazy! Plus size maternity clothes piss me off. Seriously, they are one of the best jokes out there. For every big girl who complains about regular plus size clothes…take your frustration and multiply it by about eight and that's how frustrated I am with my clothing options. I've been able to find a few tops to get me through, and that was nice, but I won't even talk about pants. Thank Goddess I finally gave in and realized the comfort dresses offer. I'm still looking for the absolute perfect mu mu though…one with big bright loud obnoxious Hawaiian flowers!
Then there is the, "She's not pregnant, she's just fat" problem I face daily. Here I am beginning my 8th month and I'd bet my savings account that 90 percent of people I run into on a daily basis have no clue that I'm expecting. They probably attribute my slow waddle to my extra weight and they probably think I've always had cankles. What they don't know is that prior to getting pregnant I had some of the prettiest fat girl ankles around! HA!

Obviously, I don't fit into the perfect pregnancy mold ordained by society and rather letting it depress me I choose to cherish my body the way it is. I have a precious life growing inside of me and in two short months I'll finally get the chance to be the mother I've dreamt of being. Rather than let the naysayers get me down, I choose to constantly remind myself of the wonderful support and love Scott and I receive from friends and family. My little girl has been loved by so many people since the minute we knew she existed floating around in the critter condo. Lil Irelyn will enter a world stock full of laughter and love. I couldn't ask for more…