I want to

I’m having one of those restless days…it happens sometimes. I wake up feeling fine, I get to work and I feel alright…and then when I start to get into the swing of work, it just doesn’t come. I don’t waste energy trying to explain it…it is what it is.

So here I am, procrastinating at work…..and it feels good! Sometimes I think people just need to give their brain a break…and that’s what I’m striving for today!

I haven’t written in awhile…and this isn’t going to be a post full of literary genius, HA! I wish…just more of me putting down some thoughts, bring some people up to speed…stuff of that nature.

I turned over a new leaf on January 2nd..and I’m feeling good. I’m not calling it a diet, I dislike that word, and I’ve learned, if I’m going to make true progress than I’m gonna have to change my living and eating habits. I know I will never be small, and losing weight isn’t my primary goal, getting healthy is. I’m lucky that I’ve never had any serious health issues…but I’m also young, and lucky…and smart enough to know there’s some hereditary stuff I’m likely to have to deal with…so why not be a better me?

Before the first of the year I went and spoke to my doctor about my weight and she informed me that I would qualify for the gastric bypass, and I even went to an orientation about it. After the orientation Scott and I went to the Disneyland Hotel to walk around and look at the holiday decorations. I remember feeling out of sorts…Yes, I’m fat, I’ve always been big…and I’ve always accepted myself for who I am. Sure, I have insecurities like the next person….but I also know I’m lucky. My weight has never hindered me, its never gotten me down, and in all honesty I’ve never had a problem being me, making friends or in the past dating. People have joked before, saying, “Wiski…you just don’t know you’re fat.”

The hell I don’t! I just won’t ever let something keep me from being the happy confident person I am.

I’ve accomplished everything I’ve put my mind, energy and effort into….and I’ve never honestly tried to be a healthier better me, so why not now? I’ve never tried to eat better…I’ve never tried to consistently exercise, and I don’t know why I haven’t….but I do know that now is the time for me to focus on me!

Its been almost two weeks and I’m feeling good. Last week I went to the gym four times, and this week I’ll hit the gym 3-4 times. I’m actually enjoying sweating…and talk about energy and feeling better!

I know I can do this…I know I can succeed…and I can’t explain how I know…but I really have the faith and confidence that I can do this! I know I’m a strong person…and I think I’m gonna find out just how strong I really am!