Being too NICE

Hi, my name is Wiski and I’m a NICE addict. You laugh, make jest of my problems? It used to be something I was proud of…and now, now it’s something I’m scared of. I used to be a raging BITCH, seriously. I said what I thought, I spared nobody’s feelings and I went on with my big bad self…and then I grew up and I realized that being a BITCH wasn’t going to get me anywhere, so I made myself be nice and after awhile I was like Pavlov’s dog, I trained myself to be NICE….

So here I am, five years later and I have a problem. I’m too nice. I let people walk on me. Yes, I still have an opinion about anything everything under the sun, but when it comes to people’s feelings, I spare them at my own expense. I keep it in…I don’t say what I want to because I’m worried I’m going to hurt their ego, I’m worried they’re going to think I’m a bad person…and you know what, it drives me crazy!

I wish I could stand on top of the tallest building in OC (which is probably Tower of Terror at Disneyland) and just vent and yell. I’d start of with some work shit, and I’m sure I’d have a few candid things to say about my replacement…and then, then I’d have some more shit to say about a bunch of other stuff in my life. And then, when everything is said and done I’d feel so much better! The shroud of NICENESS, the veil of CIVILITY would be gone…and there I’d be, the I-used-to-be-NICE-Wiski….and here’s where the uncertainty is…I’m not sure who I want to be.

I know for sure I don’t want to the raging bitch, sure she’s fun when she’s on a roll, but at the end of the day its lonely being a BITCH...and I know for sure I don’t want to be the QUEEN of NICE either…so I guess I’m left with finding a balance. I guess I need to learn to tap into the old me…and then again, there’s another fear, I silenced the beast before, what happens if I open Pandora’s Box? What happens if being a BITCH feels good? What happens if I don’t want to let go?

Then again…if life keeps going the way it is I’m going to end up bending over backwards, getting it in the ass, pleasing the whole damn world…and meanwhile I become more and more a shadow of the person I want to be, moreover the person I am supposed to be.

So yeah…look out world, I’m visiting the BITCH world for awhile.

I’m taking NO PRISONERS!