Drowning in the abyss of aloofness

Some days I just don’t care, and other days I care too much. Balance is something I continually strive for, something I’m always trying to achieve. Balance is like water, I can’t hold it in my hands, its here for a second, and then gone in the next. How does one strive for excellence if there is no benchmark for improvement? I feel like a canary who needs to sing…

My weekend with my husband was delightful. Saturday I got up early (by Saturday standards) helped a friend pack and move her great uncle’s things, then after that I took some me time and went shopping. I rarely do anything by myself…and it was nice to just go. There was no destination in mind as I drove, my body felt like moving. I’m very much an extrovert, but as I get older I realize and appreciate the value of alone time. Saturday afternoon Scott and I went to the Erotica LA Expo held at the Convention Center…and boy was that a trip. Talk about NARSTY looking porn stars!!! Seriously, I’m SO glad I’ve never been inclined to go blonde…and you know what else, I’m so glad I’m me. Instead of seeing pretty skinny women flaunting there goods, I saw skinny, sickly women dressed like cheap whore’s smiling for whatever dick they were taking a picture with. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not anti-porn, but seriously, I’m glad that’s not me, I’m glad I don’t live my life in front of the dvd/vcr player jacking off. I’m glad I know there’s more to life.

I’ll be honest though, I feel sorry for those women, and then I think to myself, they’re the ones that chose that lifestyle, they’re the one’s that get paid to fuck on tv…they’re the ones who degrade themselves and in the end they have nobody to answer to but themselves.

I struggle with being a feminist.
In a society where misconstrued labels are everything, I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m tired of defending my label. I want to be done explaining how my term feminist is different from how society views it. I’m sick of attempting to educate the stupid masses. Call me a snob, call me conceited, but come on already….when are people going to begin to truly think???

After the expo Scott and I went to dinner! I love quiet dinner dates with him…we can sit and chit chat, we can talk about something deep….or we can just sit and eat. Everyday it sinks in a lil more that he’s all mine, everyday I find another reason why I love him…and everyday I’m incredibly thankful that I’ve found the love of my life. Some people call us cheesy, or they laugh at how sentimental we are, but you know what, it’s the best feeling ever. He and I are big dorks, and finding my dorky soul mate is the best gift God’s ever given me….

I’m in the mood to babble, whether its intellectual-conceited mumbo jumbo or random shit off the top of my head…I feel compelled to just let it all flow. Some days I think I’m crazy, like there’s just too much going on in my head.

Can you ride a rainbow to the moon, or does it only travel around the world? Can I play hopscotch and end up enjoying tomorrow’s sunset? Can I pull a ribbon and make sense of all the other ribbons?