I paid attention today

I paid attention this morning...and you know, paying attention makes you remember, it pushes you down memory lane, encourages you to examine, appreciate and evaluate.

As I was walking to my car this morning I spelled dew, or grass or something and instantaneously I was six years old again walking to school. I was saying hi to my favorite crossing guard, kicking rocks and humming to myself a song from "The Sound of Music." I was energetic, enthusiastic and excited to be going to school. Then I spelled shit and I was grounded in reality again. Instead of being an idealistic six year old I was back to being 24 going on 40. Automatically my mind drifted back to thinking about working, mentally building a check list in my mind, thinking about what I needed to get done today. I was focused, tired and reluctant all at once.

I never thought I'd work in insurance. I never thought I'd be surrounded by plastic people in Newport and I never thought I'd regularly go to a fat club. My life is bizarre, wonderful and very ironic. Eight years ago I had the best laid plans. I was going to major in Government and English Literature, I was going to excel at everything academic, graduate, go to one of the best law schools....in my mind it was one stepping stone after another. The end goal, to be a political success.

But then I grew up, I set down the rose colored glasses and I didn't pick them back up. I emerged from my naive cocoon and everything was brighter, grittier and in my face. I began thinking outside of the box, and I began questioning who I was and were I was going. I'm still asking, still searching and continually moving. I'm no longer concerned with moving forward. Hell, I'm content with going in all sorts of directions, as long as I'm learning, as long I'm experiencing, as long as I'm doing what makes me happy.

Its moments of weirdness like this that make me go hmm. I paid attention this morning and was thrown for a loop. I rarely think about my past, but lately it seems to be the only thing on my mind. I paid attention this morning, I'm wondering if I should do that more often...