I feel loved

Sometimes I take a minute and think back about the last year and I'm truly amazed at how my life has changed, yet at the same time its really stayed the same. I'm almost 25 and for the first time I feel old, not old in a bad way, but just older, wiser - more grown up. A year ago this month I took a huge leap of faith and took a new job 70 miles from home. To some thats not that big of a deal, for me, that was quite a jump. When I was in high school I had dreams of going far far away to college, and then I fell in love with a school that was 8 miles from home. I lived on campus and I was "away", however all the streets and people were similar. After college I moved home to save money, then later when I did move out it was only to Yucaipa, then later when I moved again it was only to San Bernardino. For 23 years I've lived in the same 20 mile radious....then all of a sudden there I was moving 70 miles away.I had a new job and a new boyfriend, but not much more. For the first time I couldn't see my friends everyday. There was no more lengthy nights at The Jet, no more drawn out conversations at Jazz and Java, everything was just so different. The traffic on the 405 still gets to me, I don't think I'm ever going to get over that. Its nice knowing my way around though...for the longest time I'd get lost almost every day. Scott call me on the way home and ask, "What's taking you so long?" I'd feel SO stupid admitting that once again I got lost. Looking back I'd like to think I've adjusted well. I took a gamble in switching up my life, and I'd like to think its all worked out. I have a fiance who completes me in every way, a job thats for the most part rewarding and I've met good people I can honestly call friends. Scott's without a doubt been great, I have no complaints there. I'm finally at that place where I don't long for Sara, Schanelle and Shannon like I used to. I definitely miss them, but I don't sit at home thinking about what I used to. I'm finally focused on what I do now. I definitely have my moments where I feel as though I'm torn in two. I can't be in Redlands and Orange County at the same time. I've dealt with the demands, the "You like your new friends more" and all that shit...and it hasn't gotten me down. Everybody has their growing pains, thats never an issue. The real strength and growth is found in how you deal with it all. I'd like to think I've come out all the wiser. Every since I was little I'd have moments where all I wanted to do was sit and think. My mom would ask me what I was doing and I'd look at her and honestly answer, "I'm pondering my existence." I'm not sure if that's a sign of genuis or insanity! I like to think, wait let me take that back, I love to think, its just a part of who I am;)Today Scott did the sweetest thing, he sent me an email listing all these reasons why he loves me. I did something similar for him for Valentines Day and I remember seeing how happy and excited it made him to read 101 reasons why I love him. If the world could've seen my face when I read his email they would've seen one happy fat girl full of joy!What he wrote:
~we laugh at the same jokes ~you're an absolutely trust-worthy woman~you aren't afraid to ask me what I like in bed and you aren't afraid to tell me what you like~of all the women in the world, I picked you to be my wife and promised to be faithful to you for the long haul~You fell in love with me~You saw past all my faults, and you're marrying me anyway~You allow me the honor of making love to you~You're the most beautiful woman I have ever seen~You're the the world's greatest tease~You want to build a family with me~You are honest and you don't lie to me or to other people (sometimes to a fault, but I am the same way)~You are real and you don't try to be someone you are not. (Like me) You are never fake.~You respect me and support me. You don't think you are more superior to me, but rather an equal partner in our relationship~If I really want something and I ask you, usually you'll agree to it unless you have a good reason not to~You trust me~You are smart and dedicated to your job~You are a good friend (faithful and supportive of me and your other friends)~You can be funny and we share a similar sense of humor~You love me for who I am, and you do not expect me to change (you'll love me anyway if I don't change)~You will be a good mother to our children~You are kind and compassionate~You have a good heart~My happiness is important to you~You support me where and when I need it most~You want to please me, in and out of the bedroom~You are incredibly sexy~You believe in me~of the way you say I love you to me in the morning before I go off to work or any other time I leave the apartment~of the way you kiss me~you hug me any time I want one~You don't try to understand me, you just love me~You think I'm better than what I am~You are confident, capable and devoted~you're a dork~you have the most beautiful hair in the world, and you wear it long because I like it~you can finish my sentences~you support me in everything I do...even if it seems ridiculous to you~I can look into your beautiful eyes and all of my troubles, fears, disappointments, and frustrations dissolve without a trace~You make me a complete person and filled up a hole in my life I didn't even realize was there till we met~I can spend all day just looking at you~you look at me as if no other man exists, like you hold my heart and soul and I think you do because I know I hold yours~I love you