Lonely

Scott shared this song with me...and I couldn't help but think about my Aunt Sheri.


"Lonely Day"
Such a lonely day
And its mine
The most loneliest day of my life
Such a lonely day
Should be banned
It's a day that I can't stand
The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life
Such a lonely day
Shouldn't exist
It's a day that I'll never miss
Such a lonely day
And its mine
The most loneliest day of my life
And if you go, I wanna go with you
And if you die, I wanna die with you
Take your hand and walk away
The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life
Life
Such a lonely day
And its mine
It's a day that I'm glad I survived

Sadly so true

"The poverty of our century is unlike that of any other. It is not, as
poverty was before, the result of natural scarcity, but of a set of
priorities imposed upon the rest of the world by the rich. Consequently,
the modern poor are not pitied - but written off as trash. The
twentieth-century consumer economy has produced the first culture for
which a beggar is a reminder of nothing." - John Berger (1926~) English
Painter, Teacher, Art Critic

SPRING!

Today is the first day of spring!

I feel alive...like the world is new again, as if I can finally shed some of that baggage I've been carrying around.

I'm ready to just be and breathe,
I'm willing to let go,
be me and get rid of the crap that has a tendency to pull me down.

The new year has settled in nicely for the most part,
and now its just a matter of doing some spring cleaning,
getting things in order and just going for it!

I have no reason to hold myself back...and I'm done with excuses!

Look out universe, I'm getting rid of the shit in my life!

Being Slapped...

So, this is going to be one of the strangest blogs I've ever written, then again, most of my blogs are strange!

I know something I'm not supposed to...and I'm so hurt that somebody could plan what they're planning! I can't really talk to anybody about this, but yeah, I'm frustrated right now! Why is it that I give and I give and rarely do people treat me with the same compassion? Doesn't anybody BUT me practice the golden rule? Sometimes I feel like I should just retreat into myself....is there a lesson to be learned here?

Buttprints in the Sand

One night I had a wondrous dream,
One set of footprints there was seen,
The footprints of the Goddess they were,
But mine were not along the shore.
But then some stranger prints appeared,
and I asked Her, "What have we here?
These prints are large and round and neat,
But much too big to be from feet."
"My child," She said in somber tones,
"For miles I carried you alone.
I challenged you to walk in faith,
But you refused and made me wait."
"You would not learn, you would not grow,
The walk of faith, you would not know,
So I got tired, I got fed up,
And there I dropped you on your butt.
"Because in life, there comes a time,
When one must fight, and one must climb,
When one must rise and take astand,
Or leave their butt prints in the sand."

Author unknown

me - raw

I’m not perfect.

Last night I had another one of those moments where it’s like a light bulb goes off, but its not like I’m realizing something new…its just more of a reminder of how disjointed I can be at times. Not sure if disjointed is the word I wanted there, but yeah, with the flow of my thoughts. The duality of me…the fact that I feel at times that my life is a mere ironic oxymoron.

I feel as though I deal with things that are hard, but yet, I never want to single myself out, I never want to be different from other people, but then at the same time I want people to know where I’m coming from, I want them to know what its like to be me, its not easy. Then I think about it and its like, what the fuck, there are so many people out there who have real problems. But aren’t my problems real problems, aren’t they validated?

I struggle with being nice, socially conscious and wallowing in self pity, which is funny, because I despise pathetic people who wrap themselves up in their own problems, but yet, a good sense of self appreciation and navel gazing does a body good.

Sometimes I think I’m crazy, like I’m the only one in the world who thinks the things I do, but then, I know I’m not, I’m one dot of humanity on the sphere that is the whole, a single sprinkle of dust.

I was angry last night, and hurt…but that wasn’t want got to me, nope, it was the complete feeling of helplessness. I desperately need to fill in control of my life, I need to know that I’m driving this car….and when faced with limitations, or feeling as though I’m a caged bird stuck between a rock and a hard place I just want to shout, scream…runaway, but I can’t do that. I care too much.

So there I was last night in the car with Scott, Carla and Schanelle on the way to karaoke and I had this epiphany of sorts….when I die, I’m not sure if I want a headstone, a green burial sounds appealing, but so does the thought of spreading my ashes to the universe, when all is said and done, I want my epitaph to be, “She loved despite faults”.

Friendship

I'm truly blessed with wonderful friends! So often I find myself in that rutt of humanity, and instead of focusing on what I don't have, I lose sight of what I do have! Its always the lil things that catch my eye, the nuances of life that deeply matter.

Yep, thats it...my profound thought for the day has now passed.